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Several years ago, when I sang in the choir of the church we were attending, the choir director spoke often about a wonderful church choir in Nashville. We sang some of their music and he was very enthusiastic about how special this choir was.
One summer when I was spending time in the Nashville area, I mentioned to my cousin about this choir. She immediately knew what I was talking about and said we should go to the church the next Sunday.
From the moment the tires of my car hit the pavement of the church's parking lot, I felt the presence of God in a powerful way. Christ Church Nashville is indeed a special place.
I know that since I asked Jesus into my life, that He always dwells 
within me, as He does in all believers. SO whenever believers gather together, God is present. Sometimes, though, He manifests His presence in such powerful ways, that it is more "visible" than other times.
Christ Church Nashville, when I first visited, was pastored by Pastor Hardwick, who had been there for 50+ years. He is one of the sweetest, most godly men, I have ever known. It is a testimony that he served there over 50 years and was still greatly loved by the entire congregation. Because of his compassion, the personality of the church was loving and friendly.
Before the service begins, the curtain is lowered. There are three clicks on the drumsticks, the start of the worship instruments, the sound of the choir and the curtain rises, the service has begun.
I cried through most of the first services I attended. For me to experience the presence of God in such a profound way was life changing. Worship there is all about God. The choir ushers us into His presence powerfully.
I have grown to love worshipping at that church. It is like nothing else I have ever experienced. And it happens every time I worship there.
SO for Valentine's Day, my sweet hubby took me to Christ Church Nashville.
When we sat down, immediately the woman behind us introduced herself and struck up a conversation. When her husband arrived, she introduced us. A sweet elderly lady came down the aisle greeting everyone and introducing herself, asking about us. The curtain fell. Soon there were the drumsticks, followed by the powerful strains of verse three of How Great Thou Art by the choir. What a way to start the service!
Pastor Dan Scott encouraged the Body to worship, to offer up our needs, to trust the Lord to meet us.
We read the Scripture responsively. During the baby dedications, the foreheads, thumbs and big toes of the babies are anointed with oil, symbolic of putting their minds on God, doing God's will and following God's path.
As worship continued, it was obvious God was at work. People were going to the altar, kneeling in prayer, there was sobbing in the pews. It was nearing the end of worship time, and the Pastor was heading toward the stage. He felt God telling him we needed to sing "Draw Me Nearer Nearer Precious Lord". Before he could get to the pulpit to direct this song, or even say anything about it, the worship leader was already singing it. God was truly in the house. Instead of cutting it off, the Pastor went with the flow of the Spirit. There was a message in tongues and an interpretation . More people came forward to kneel and pray at the altar. What a sweet time of fellowship with the Lord.
The Pastor inspired us with a very shortened version of his sermon on Hearing the Call of the Kingdom. I left feeling refreshed, renewed and inspired by God's presence.
It amazes me how a church like this, which to me is already excellent, continues to grow and reach out for a deeper experience with God. How their worship truly focuses on God and ushers me into His presence. I am truly blessed to have been there on Sunday. Thank you, my sweetie, for giving me such a gift.
(Still to come - Visiting family)
Usually when I write this blog, I am not real organized. I just write what comes to mind, in no particular order. This time, although it will probably be in the same style, I have several thoughts I want to share, so I am going to do it in several blogs.
This past weekend was Valentine's Day, as we all know. My sweet h
ubby took me to one of my favorite places for the weekend - to Nashville.
All week we thought our Saturday flight was out of Philadelphia at about noon. Saturday morning, when we checked, it was actually at 2:05.
Although I was excited about making this trip, there was one area of concern to me - having to eat out for so many meals. Since changing my eating habits, eating out has become more of a challenge for me. I need to pay particular attention that I get enough protein, but not too much fat or carbs.
Since our flight was a bit later than we expected, I made a mistake. I ate a big lunch, making sure I got plenty of protein, thinking this would make it easier to find the right foods later in the day.
I have not flown in almost a year and I cannot tell you how long ago that I got airsick. This was a very smooth flight, but I felt awful. My head was pounding and spinning, my stomach doing flip flops. That 2 hour flight felt like the longest air trip I had ever taken (and I have been to Hawaii!). In addition, I had not planned my pain medication very well. It wore off about a half an hour into the flight. Because of my back problems, I need to sit upright. The airline seats do not sit far enough up, so I have to lean forward to get in an upright position. This gives my back no support. During the remainder o
f the flight, I just could not get into a position where my back was not aching.
When we had landed and wee in the rental car, I ate a protein bar, hoping it would help my queasy stomach. It did help a little. About 4:45 CT we found a TGI Fridays to stop for dinner. Considering it was Saturday night AND Valentine's Day, although we had to wait, it was not that long. We ordered pecan crusted salmon, served over rice with vegetables and I also got an extra side of vegetables. I felt this was a very good choice, for getting lots of protein with few carbs (I did not eat the rice).
Sunday breakfast was continental style at the hotel. There were many choices available, but few that really met my needs. I opted for a packet of instant oatmeal made with water, an egg, and a container of lowfat yogurt (I could not find any fat free). When I logged those into the nutrition tracker, I found I had used half of my fat grams for the day and was way over on carbs. Not such good choices after all.
For lunch and dinner I made sure I had plenty of vegetables and salmon at one meal and shrimp at the other. Looking at the overall day, I was over on my fats, but most was from fish, so it was "good" fat, within my carb range and low on protein.
Monday breakfast held the same variety, so this time I opted for Raisin Bran with nonfat yogurt and an egg. It was still high on carbs and fat, but a little better than Sunday.
Since my flight there was so rough, I decided I would not eat lunch before our 12:30 flight home. I made it much better. And I stuffed my coat behind me on the seat, so my back did not hurt as much. On the way home, I ate a protein bar. When we arrived, I made myself a high protein shake.
When choosing where we would stay in Nashville, I made sure the hotel had a gym room. SO each of the three days, I was able to walk on the treadmill and/or ride the recumbent bike for 40 to 60 minutes. And last night I went to the gym with a friend and did some strength training, as well as walked the track 8 times (not consecutively) which totals a mile.
Overall, although I would have been happier to have had more control of my eating choices, I am happy with how I did in that area. Today is weigh in at the gym, so we will see...
(Still to come: Christ Church Nashville and Visiting family)
I began writing this blog to keep people who were interested up to date with what is going on with me medically. There was one comment which complained that all I did was talk about myself in the blog. Well, as the subtitle explains this is about "My life such as it is".
The last time I wrote I had heard from the sleep doctor, but was still confused, I was waiting to hear from the gyn about whether to continue my medication and I was trying to get an authorization number to have a repeat CT scan.
On Friday I had a message from the gyn explaining that I was to continue the medication but needed to talk to her about how to take it. I called her back well before the time she stated, but got an after hours message and told to call back on Monday.
At this point I had enough of the medication to last through Tuesday night, but that is only day 11 of a 21 day cycle of taking it. When I called on Monday, I was told she would not be in until after 3, and put through to her nurse. All I got was an answering machine and had to leave a message. The nurse did return my call in a few hours, but could only take a message. When I told her about how much of the medicine I had left, she then said she would take care of calling it into my pharmacy and call me back with instructions on Tuesday.
While I was out at Home group last night, the gyn did leave a message giving me instructions and this morning the nurse called to confirm the medication had been called into the pharmacy. Check one thing off the list. But look at the time and effort it takes for something as simple as renewing a medication.
Yesterday morning I also received a call from my regular doctor's office giving me the authorization number for the CT scan. BUT, she told me, there was a problem which had to be dealt with before I could schedule the CT scan. My insurance has the wrong address and phone number for me and I needed to call them to straighten that out.
Nothing is ever simple for me. I called customer service. The woman answers the phone saying she wants to provide me with excellent service today. She asked for my insurance ID number, my name and birth date. Then she says that to verify who I am please give her my address and phone number. I explained that was why I was calling. I was told that they now have the wrong information for me and I want to correct it. Well, it seems that she cannot even talk to me about the account unless I verify the address. SO I tell her the address and she says that is not correct, what was your former address. I told her we had lived here for 24 years and had only been members of Horizon Blue Cross for 3 or 4 years, so there was no former address. This is the ONLY address. Finally I told her my Dunellen address and she said that was not correct either. She could also not tell me what the incorrect address is, although she verified that our paperwork is being sent to that incorrect address. The only way to correct it, she informed me, was to call my husband's employer and have them correct the information.
I called my husband and explained it all to him. Fortunately he was on his way home. When he arrived, he called the insurance company and got the same treatment. He asked for a supervisor, but she told him the same thing - his employer must make the correction.
He contacted the HR person from his company and she made the call to the insurance company. Guess what? They told HER they have the correct address. She verified that they indeed do. SO she related our story to whoever she talked to and they gave her an incident number for us to use if we need to make contact. What this means is that they messed up somewhere and are going to try and correct their problem. (We know that this is a new problem because as recently as last week we got a statement about my son's chest xray from them.)
Whew! IS it any wonder I am overwhelmed by all of this?
Early this morning I got a computer call from UPS saying they have a delivery from the medical supply company for me which will have to be signed for. I suspect this is my new sleep machine. But I have several questions about the package before I will accept it. OF course, the medical supply place does not open as early as the UPS call came in.
I tried again after 9am. When I asked the customer service rep what was the package they were sending, she replied a full face sleep mask, but she could not tell me what size it is.
She said the only other order on file is for an adjustment to my machine (not for a new machine) and transferred me to schedule that appointment. I had to leave a message and someday someone will call me back, I hope.
I am happy to hear that my machine will be adjusted and that I do not need a new machine. I am used to this one and understand how it works. But that phone conversation with the sleep doctor last week still confuses me.
ON a positive note, since starting the I Lost It program at the gym two weeks ago, I have lost 5.4 more pounds! That is something to celebrate. With all of the stress I feel about dealing with all of these medical problems, I am usually up for a good workout when I go to the gym. I guess that is the positive side of having a hard time getting anything accomplished. At least it is helping me pound off the pounds!
I get lots of emails. Many of them ask me to do things, like forward to ten people so bad things won't happen to me. I am not much on clogging up my friends emails, so I rarely forward them. Sometimes I get surveys to fill out. Most of the time I answer them and pass them along. Recently one of the questions asked "List a place you go over and over". My answer? To the doctor. Over this past year I have made more doctor's visits than probably all total of my whole life previous to last year. So I have had a lot of experience in dealing with doctors this past twelve months. I have found out some things in dealing with doctors.
If I am over ten minutes late for an appointment, I will be charged $25 and have to reschedule. Yet, the doctor NEVER sees me at the time of my appointment - it is usually a minimum of 30 minutes past my appointment time when he enters the room. I guess his time is worth more than mine.
For the most part doctors are willing to take the time to listen to my concerns. Most of the time they do not hurry me along or appear to be in a rush. (probably the reason for the previous problem).
Some doctors love giving or ordering tests. I, as a patient, do not like having tests.
I need to have a repeat CT scan done. Almost a month ago I called the doctor's office asking them to get the authorization number from my insurance company so I can have this test. I called back once a week since then and was told "We will call you when we get the authorization." Yesterday while at my appointment, I mentioned to the doctor about this. He said"We will take care of this TODAY." He marched up to the front desk and told them to get me the number now. The women working there said,"That has already been taken care of" and spent the next ten minutes fluttering around, pretending to look for the paperwork. Of course it was not found, as nothing had been done about it. The one woman who took care of it under similar circumstances last time, told me she would call my insurance company and find out what the status is and call me back. When I got home, the nurse called and asked who ordered the CT scan. Can you believe this? Just further proof that nothing had been done previously. The helpful one called me and told me the insurance company had no record of a request for authorization and would have an answer within 48 hours. At least she was honest that nothing had been done.
I had a sleep test done almost a month ago and this week had still not heard from the doctor as to the results. This was the doctor who was so very concerned about the severity of my sleep apnea. GO figure. I called his office. The nurse told me she knew he had ordered me a new machine. I was shocked. Without even discussing it with me. She made a lame excuse about my files being at the other office (I called the office where I am seen by the doctor) and promised he would call me the next day. In the meantime she suggested I called the company that supplies my machine. What a joke - I do not even know anything about the machine. What am I supposed to say?
About 5 pm the next day the doctor did call. I do not know who was more confused - me or him. First he told me he ordered the medical supply company to come adjust my machine. Then when I asked him about my oxygen levels during the test he said, "Your oxygen levels were good - 93%. SO when they bring your new machine, tell them you do not need the oxygen and send that back." Wait a minute, a new machine? Oxygen machine? Then I asked did he order a new mask since the one I have is too small. He said, "I want you to wear a full face mask (which I already do). Call the company and tell them to bring you a new mask when they bring the machine." All of this equipment requires a doctor's prescription. I cannot call and tell them anything.
When I went for my gyn exam this week, I saw a nurse practitioner. She cannot write prescriptions. She told me she would check with the doctor about whether I should continue on the medication for hypoplasia or not. She told me she would call me that afternoon and let me know. I am still waiting.
Dealing with medical issues is hard enough. But having to expend all of the energy to follow up makes it harder. Then when professionals do not do their part, and I have to keep calling and asking, it is overwhelming.
If I did not have God as my Source and my Strength, I would be ready to give up. But He picks me up when I am down and discouraged, and helps me take the next step.
My final thought is: Doctors - can't live without them.
I am feeling frustrated and a bit discouraged. One year ago I began a journey to healing. I have seen doctors, taken medicine, had tests, started using a sleep machine, gone to physical therapy, had chest xrays, a mammogram and a CT scan, joined the gym, had surgery and began eating healthy. IN addition I have prayed and others have been praying for me.
Some days, I look back and begin to feel like I am making progress. Then I hit another bump in the road - like when I got pneumonia from the surgery anesthesia and when I had to have another sleep test recently.
My hubby asked me this morning how much total weight had I lost. I could not even tell him because the scales at every location I get weighed, weigh differently. Two weeks ago at the dietitian I had lost a total of 67 pounds. But then I had to get weighed at the gym for the "I Lost It At PEAC" program. That scale said I had gained 4 pounds. Then the night of the first Lost It meeting, I had lost another 13 pounds according to a different scale. Yesterday I had my second weigh in for Lost It and I had lost 1.8 pounds from the first weigh in. Today at the gyn doctor I was five pounds lighter than yesterday. Can you understand why I have no idea how much weight I have lost at this point???? (And they all tell me their scale is correct because they have it calibrated! )
The gyn doctor was very happy with my weight loss since our last visit. But when she did the exam, she found blood in my stool. She told me I need to see my regular doctor and to have a colonoscopy. Another bump in the road. I left there feeling discouraged. I was asking myself why, when I have done all that I have this past year to improve my health, are things still going wrong? SO I see my regular doctor tomorrow morning.
Speaking of which, I was supposed to have a follow up CT scan in January. I have been trying for three weeks to get my doctor's office to get me an authorization number so I can schedule it. Maybe tomorrow I can get some action on that too.
Three weeks ago I had a sleep test done. I still have heard nothing from the doctor regarding it. I called the office today and the nurse told me he had ordered my new machine. I told her I knew nothing about that. Why would he do that without discussing it with me?
As you can tell, I am not a happy camper about now. I do not like even the thought of a colonoscopy let alone hearing results from one. And just for once, after a year of hard work, I'd like some good news when I see a doctor.
I am not a sports fan - never have been, probably never will be.
Every year, though, my hubby tries to get me to watch the Super Bowl. It started with just coming into the room to watch the halftime show. These usually do not impress me. Although I did enjoy Paul McCartney one year.
Gradually it has worked up to watching the entire game. SO last night I found myself watching Super Bowl XLIII.
First I had to figure out who was playing. I saw the little bird head on the side of one team's helmets and had to ask what kind of bird it was - okay, the Arizona Cardinals. Ignorant as I am about sports, the only Cardinals team I had heard of was in baseball, so this was a new revelation to me - a Cardinals football team. Do they even have cardinals in Arizona?
TO me, football looks like a bunch of big guys trying to jump on each other at every opportunity. How many ways can they find to bump, trip and bring each other down?
Some of the guys wear a little towel at their waist - what is that for? One Steeler had a special collar at the back of his neck. Was this a fashion statement?
There were a lot of men out there on the field, but all night I kept hea
ring about Kurt Warner, Kurt Warner, Kurt Warner. Like he was the only one out there. And his team, although they apparently made the game very exciting, did not even win!
I always hear so much hype about the fantastic Super Bowl commercials. How they cost so much money. How they are the best commercials out there. With few exceptions, I was not impressed with the commercials. They are, after all, ads. Some were in poor taste. Some used offensive (to me) language. The etrade babies were cute and a couple of the horse ads (for beer) were cute.
I guess the highlight for me was "the Boss" at halftime. Bruce Springsteen is the same age as I am. 
When he was laid back on the stage stretching as the halftime show began, I understood from a personal perspective how hard that is to do. His energy was contagious. He packed into 12 minutes more than I could have hoped for. Classics like 10th Avenue Freeze Out and Born to Run, as well as new ones. Adding a gospel choir for a couple of minutes was a nice touch. How do they synchronize the fireworks to the music like that? Bruce had it all. One of the best halftime shows in my memory.
The last quarter of the game was very exciting. I went out into the kitchen to get some fruit and my husband started screaming for me to come back and watch the replay of the Cardinals taking back the lead. That guy did make a nice run.
I still do not understand when they get penalties for too much aggression or whatever it is called. Isn't that what this game is about? And if the team gets a penalty, how come they end up with the ball?
I watched it until the end. I saw the Steelers win. Both teams apparently played well. But I still do not understand football.
Yesterday I looked into the freezer, wanting to get ice cubes for my water. My dietitian suggested drinking cold water as a way of boosting the metabolism. When I took out the ice cube box, it was empty. No problem, I thought, I'll just empty a tray of ice cubes into the box. That's when trouble hit, the ice cube tray was already empty. Whoever had used the ice cubes had not bothered to refill it. They had not even removed the tray from the freezer so anyone else would know it was empty and needed to be refilled. This was not a life shattering moment, to say the least. But it did make me think of something.
Sometimes I feel like that ice cube tray. People come and take from me. I also give and give to others. But there comes a point when I am running on empty. All my little sections have been emptied and I need some refilling.
When this happens, sometimes I do not take the tray out of the freezer and I kind of wait around for someone to notice and restore to me some of what I have given to them. This usually is not a good option.
When I turn to the source of my strength, it is then that I am restored. I admit I am empty and need His love and forgiveness to continue on. I turn to Jesus and His Word. If I would only go to Him more often, my tray would never be empty. He has promised us Living Water so we'll never thirst again.
Our church is doing The Truth Project for the next couple of months. Last week something in the lesson really knocked me between the eyes. The question was posed, "Do I live like I know that Jesus is always with me, watching and hearing everything I do and say?" How different would my day to day living be if I realized the full impact of having Jesus always with me?
For one thing, my tray would never be empty.
within me, as He does in all believers. SO whenever believers gather together, God is present. Sometimes, though, He manifests His presence in such powerful ways, that it is more "visible" than other times.
