Listening to Anthony

I mentioned the other day that one way I find relief from the stress is music. So today I want to write about my friend, Anthony Burger.
When Anthony was eight months old, one of the wheels of his walker got caught on the furnace grate and the walker overturned, throwing him on the heater. His legs, face and hands got third degree burns. For a year he had to be carried around on a pillow. Three times a day he had to get medicated baths for the burns. His doctors told his family Athony would never be able to use his hands. God had another plan. By the time he was three, he was playing songs on the piano and when he was five was the youngest person to ever be accepted into Chattanooga Cadek Conservatory.
I first met Anthony when he was the pianist for the Kingsmen. Although he was young (he began with them when he was 16), he was amazing. We became friends when he joined the Gaither Vocal Band.
When he preformed at Homecoming gatherings, he was the artist who was on stage for the entire concert. No matter what song was announced, Anthony was right there on the piano ready with it. He was also the artist who was always at his product table to meet the fans.
It was at his solo concerts that he really excelled. When he came on the stage and began to play, the Holy Spirit filled that place.
Being shy, it was not easy for Anthony, but he made the extra effort to get to know his fans - and he truly cared about them. One time he knew it was my cousin's birthday and he emailed asking me for her phone number so he could call her. Another time, we were supposed to be at one of his solo concerts, but we could not go. He let us know he was worried about us when he did not see us there. Anthony exemplified what it means to follow Christ.
When he played the piano, he did it with all of his heart and passion.
Sadly for us, he was taken from us while playing the piano on a Gaither cruise two years ago. He was 42.
But I rejoice that we still have his music. When I am feeling stressed and overwhelmed, I listen to his cd "The Story - Praise and Worship". He plays one praise song after another and the Holy Spirit ministers to my soul. There is an anointing on this cd and it cannot help but bless anyone who listens to it.
All of his music is wonderful, he was a truly gifted musician, who overcame obstacles and shined in his gift for the glory of God. I am blessed to have known him. His gift continues on in his cds and dvds, bringiing comfort and peace to all who listen.

Living with Pain

Everyday when I wake up I am in pain. It is an effort to get out of bed and down the stairs. Although it is hard and I never really want to, I start my day with 30 minutes of stretching and lower back exercises. I moan and I groan as I do each repetition. And honestly, I cannot say I feel better when I am finished. To encourage me, John, when he hears me moaning will say something like, "It sounds like you're making good progress." Most days I want to throw something at him when he says it, because it is no fun what I am doing. But I know he means well and he truly wants me to feel better.
At breakfast I take a Vicoden and 2 motrin (as directed by my doctor) to manage the pain. They do not do much to help either.
Little household chores that most people take for granted being able to do pain-free, are very painful for me. Washing dishes, vacuuming, making dinner - all cause me pain. Just walking any distance at all is excruciating.
Until a person has experienced this constant pain, he/she really cannot understand what it is like. Sometimes around the house I will be groaning or looking unhappy and one of my family will ask "What is wrong?" My answer is always the same, "I am in pain." But they do not get it. They truly do not realize that I am ALWAYS in pain. Just because I do not constantly complain or groan, does not mean I am not hurting. Just some times it hurts worse than others.
Being in pain like this wears me out. It drains me. It is such an effort to do anything physical - walk up the stairs, drive to the doctor, carry the laundry, load the dishwasher, go to the grocery store, take a shower etc.
It is easy to get discouraged, to have a pity party, to give up. Every day when I wake up I have a choice. I can choose to give in to the pain and be miserable all day, or I can choose to be thankful for what I can do and for the ways I am blessed. I can take the focus off of myself and onto the Lord who helps me make it through.
I do not always make the right choice. Those are not good days. As I have begun to take the focus off of my problems, I have been able to reach out to others. Once a month I try to write notes of encouragement to about 20 people. This is a tangible way I can overcome my pain. What the evil one intends for evil I am going to use for good - use my pain to be compassionate towards others who are suffering, lonely, or going through a rough time.
I still wake up and spend every day in pain, but somehow it becomes easier to bear.

I Will Sing

I have been going through a rough patch of late and thinking of what helps me through. Music is something that I have always loved - and all kinds. So I thought I would share how some music has helped me during the trials in my life.
Anyone who knows me is aware that one of my favorite worship leaders is Don Moen. Listening to his music never fails to usher me into God's presence in a very real and powerful way.
Several years ago I sang in the church choir. It brought such joy to my worship experience to do this. Then my Mom got very ill and passed away. I was not ready to let her go. The way she suffered at the end and then her passing left me very confused and honestly angry at God. I quit the choir, as I just could not sing and praise God. I could hardly even listen to music, let alone sing. When I prayed I felt like there was a wall blocking me from God.
I guess depression was setting in, too. This went on for a couple of months.
One night John and I were in the car and Don Moen's "I Will Sing" cd was playing. I had listened to it lots of times since I got it about 6 months earlier. But this night I suddenly heard the words of "I Will Sing" :
Lyrics:
Lord You seem so far away
A million miles or more it feels today
And though I haven't lost my faith
I must confess right now
That it's hard for me to pray
But I don't know what to say
And I don't know where to start
But as You give the grace
With all that's in my heart

Chorus:
I will sing I will praise
Even in my darkest hour
Through the sorrow and the pain
I will sing I will praise
Lift my hands to honor You
Because Your Word is true
I will sing

Lord it's hard for me to see
All the thoughts and plans You have for me
But I will put my trust in You
Knowing that You died to set me free
But I don't know what to say
And I don't know where to start
But as You give grace
With all that's in my heart

Chorus
By the end of the song I was in tears. Then Don began to pray on the cd:
"For all of those who have lost their desire to sing, I pray God will put the melody back in your hearts."
I knew it was just for me. The heaviness lifted.
That song and prayer has brought me so much comfort, knowing that I am not alone in my feelings, and that God is still worthy of my praise because He is with me loving and comforting me all the time. In the midst of my hurting, I must CHOOSE to praise Him and it is in that place, I will find peace in the midst of the storms of life.

Here I go

Here goes. John (my hubby) thinks I should start a blog. To keep people updated on what is going on with me. Personally, I think it will be pretty boring, but whatever.
This has been a rough week. I have been trying for three days to schedule a chest CT scan, as a result of the chest xray follow up I had done. I have spent the week trying going back and forth between the diagnostic center and the doctor's office trying to solve the problem of insurance pre-approval needed or not.
I am feeling frustrated, discouraged, upset and anxious. I want to have the test done already and find out how this all impacts my already long list of health issues. I cried for half an hour after the doctor's office called with the news, wondering how much more I can bear??? I take one step forward with my health only to get zapped with another big problem.
ON the positive side, several friends have called and offered me some real encouragement and comfort. My first reaction to all of this was "Am I going to be the first person in my family to have cancer?" and thoughts along those lines. Those calls have helped calm some of my fears.
So I continue one day at a time, one step at a time and put my trust in the Lord. I am still scared, but my focus is on He is always with me, holding me in His arms.