Living with Pain

Everyday when I wake up I am in pain. It is an effort to get out of bed and down the stairs. Although it is hard and I never really want to, I start my day with 30 minutes of stretching and lower back exercises. I moan and I groan as I do each repetition. And honestly, I cannot say I feel better when I am finished. To encourage me, John, when he hears me moaning will say something like, "It sounds like you're making good progress." Most days I want to throw something at him when he says it, because it is no fun what I am doing. But I know he means well and he truly wants me to feel better.
At breakfast I take a Vicoden and 2 motrin (as directed by my doctor) to manage the pain. They do not do much to help either.
Little household chores that most people take for granted being able to do pain-free, are very painful for me. Washing dishes, vacuuming, making dinner - all cause me pain. Just walking any distance at all is excruciating.
Until a person has experienced this constant pain, he/she really cannot understand what it is like. Sometimes around the house I will be groaning or looking unhappy and one of my family will ask "What is wrong?" My answer is always the same, "I am in pain." But they do not get it. They truly do not realize that I am ALWAYS in pain. Just because I do not constantly complain or groan, does not mean I am not hurting. Just some times it hurts worse than others.
Being in pain like this wears me out. It drains me. It is such an effort to do anything physical - walk up the stairs, drive to the doctor, carry the laundry, load the dishwasher, go to the grocery store, take a shower etc.
It is easy to get discouraged, to have a pity party, to give up. Every day when I wake up I have a choice. I can choose to give in to the pain and be miserable all day, or I can choose to be thankful for what I can do and for the ways I am blessed. I can take the focus off of myself and onto the Lord who helps me make it through.
I do not always make the right choice. Those are not good days. As I have begun to take the focus off of my problems, I have been able to reach out to others. Once a month I try to write notes of encouragement to about 20 people. This is a tangible way I can overcome my pain. What the evil one intends for evil I am going to use for good - use my pain to be compassionate towards others who are suffering, lonely, or going through a rough time.
I still wake up and spend every day in pain, but somehow it becomes easier to bear.