I am sitting here at the computer, staring out the window at the large flakes of snow gliding to the ground. It has been snowing for about 25 minutes and the driveway, street and cars are already covered. I can enjoy watching the weather without stress - the gifts are bought, the cards are mailed and the groceries are stored in the cupboards. I still have the wrapping to do, but the weather will not impact that.
There is a touch of sadness in my heart, though. Last night the decision was made (by hubby's sister) to put his Dad under the care of hospice. In many ways this is a good thing - we know he will get the care he needs and we know he will be given every opportunity to eat and take his medications. To me, though, it felt too soon for this step to be taken, but I am not the one providing 24 hour care for him. Prior to this, I think we all held a more optimistic outlook, believing there was more time, not less to look forward to. Thus there is a shadow over the upcoming celebrations.
I have been to the gym a few more times. Last night I was able to do the treadmill for 30 minutes, the recumbent bike for 30 minutes and the hand bike for 20 minutes.
The other day when I was doing my at home exercises, I was hurting and hubby asked about my pain. It was muscle pain from going to the gym. He wanted to know how painful was it. I told him compared to what I experience with my back on a regular basis, it was not too bad. But that to someone else, who did not live with pain, it probably would be excruciating. It is all what you are used to. I hope to be able to join the gym after the first of the year, when they will have a special.
My final thoughts are about loneliness. This year has been medically challenging for me. I am feeling much better than I did a y ear ago, but not all the way yet. But in this year, I have grown lonely. Not being able to do as much, I have stayed at home more than going out. My hubby has immersed himself in work and even when he is physically at home, mostly he is upstairs at the computer working. We have frequent meals together, but as soon as he is finished, he is off to work again - this includes evenings and weekends. I can go for days without even talking to anyone. Email is nice, but does not replace conversation. So it has been a lonely year in many ways. Maybe in another blog I will share about being invisible.
2 comments:
Sorry to hear about John's father's situation.
About pain - I know several people who like you who have had to live with chronic pain. At least the muscle pain is temporary and it is indication that the exercises are working and that you are becoming stronger. There are not positive outlooks on your chronic pain, however, only hope for God's healing that we continue to pray for.
I found your comments on lonliness sad but interesting in the sense that I've heard almost the exact same words from an "email" friend of mine. The age of internet and computers is wonderful in many ways, but the downside is it can increase loneliness, if emails replace phone conversations or in person visits. Maybe as a society we have become to dependent on the convenience of email.
I wondered as I read your comments, Ruthie, how many others feel the same way this time of the year. The sense of aloness, etc. seems to have a strong hold on many. I think it's safe to say you're not alone in your feelings!
Post a Comment