Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep

Most people take going to sleep for granted. But that is not me anymore.
I used to snore a lot. In December, 2007 my hubby told me I would be snoring and all of a sudden I would stop breathing. Not just once but all during the night. In January ,2008 he told me he tried to hold his breath for as long as I did not breathe and he could not do it.
I went to see my doctor and he sent me for a sleep test. At the hospital where I had the test done, they hooked me up to a hundred wires - on my head, chest, arms, legs, finger. I did not think I actually slept at all that night. But I must have. Within hours of getting home, the doctor called and said the test showed I have severe sleep apnea and to return for another test using a sleep machine.
Again I was hooked up to a hundred wires and given a full face mask (because I am a mouth breather). I was hooked up to the sleep machine. At first I did not like it because I felt like I could not get enough air to breathe. As the pressure increased I felt a little better about it. Again, I did not think I actually slept that night, but apparently I must have as they determined what I needed from the machine to keep me breathing.
For me sleeping has never been the same. Having to wear that mask every time I sleep is a pain, but I do it. I have heard many people just do not tolerate it and rip it off during the night or else do not use it at all.
But my doctor scared me into wearing it. He told me without it I stopped breathing over 600 times in 6 hours - that I was the worst case of sleep apnea he had ever heard of - that my oxygen levels drop off the chart into heart attack country. SO I wear the mask and use the machine.
I recently got a new mask. It is a much better quality mask, with a softer area that cushions the face and less chance of air leakage. This mask also does not hurt my forehead. But the high pressure I need from the machine makes it necessary for me to wear the mask so tight that I wake up with indentations on my face and a red bump on the bridge of my nose. I have to tell myself it is worth it to keep me breathing all night. But it does not make it any easier.
I recently had another sleep test because my doctor felt this machine was not doing enough to keep me breathing. He said I was still stopping breathing over 100 times a night and my oxygen levels were still way too low. Right now I am waiting for the doctor and the medical supply company to battle out what kind of new machine I will get.
I long for the days when I could just crawl into bed, pull up the covers and doze off to sleep. Or when I could take a long road trip and nap in the car. Or watch a tv show and drift off to sleep. None of those are possible for me anymore. I must have the machine whenever I sleep. It is a matter of life and death for me.
Going to sleep with the mask is not easy most nights. It takes the machine 20 minutes to get up to full pressure. For me to fall asleep takes from 1 to 2 hours most nights. When I get up during the night to make a pit stop, I have to remove the mask, then try to get it back on when I return - so it takes another 1 to 2 hours to fall back asleep. Some nights the mask creeps up or starts leaking air and I have to wake up and try to adjust it - another 1-2 hours to fall back asleep. So, although I am sleeping deeper than I did before machine, I am still not getting a full night of sleep. I am hopeful the new machine will help me do better.
Tonight when you are crawling under the covers, be thankful that it is so easy to lay down to sleep.