Not that I am a big fan of his, but Dr. Phil talks about defining moments in our lives. These are usually events involving someone who is important to us. What this person says or does impacts us in such a way that it defines or changes us.
When I was twelve years old, I accepted Jesus and was going to be baptized. My father, who was a quiet man of few words, used to drive us to church, but never stayed. That Sunday I wanted him there so much. I asked him, I even wrote him a letter pouring my heart out why it was so important to me and why I wanted him there. But he did not come. The message I got was I was just not important or worth it.
Soon thereafter, I got my report card. I had all A's and one B. His comment (probably in jest, but it did not come across to me that way) "What are you so stupid you cannot get all A's?" The message I got was I am stupid.
Being the oldest of five children, there was not a lot of money. My father at one time worked three jobs to make ends meet. Most of our clothes were hand-me-downs. When we actually got something new, it was a treasure. I was in my teens when I got a new purple dress. It was my favorite color and I loved it. Unfortunately, one laundry day, it went into the dryer and shrunk. When I put it on, it was too tight and short. My father's comment was "If you weren't so fat (which at the time , hard to believe, but I was not), the dress would fit." The message I got was I am fat.
Those defining moments have affected me from those moments on. I have struggled with feeling unloved and unimportant. Feeling like no one really cares about me. That no matter how well I do or what I accomplish it is never good enough. That as long as people think I am fat, I may as well get that way. My self esteem plummeted. I just am not worth it.
Now I know Jesus loves me. And I love Him with all my heart. The reason I came to Him was because of His unconditional love. Through inner healing I have come to realize that God, my Heavenly Father was always with me, even when my earthly father disappointed me. My earthly father was human, and I have come to know that he did the best he could at being my father and did love me in his own way.
God sent me a wonderful, loving husband who has helped me overcome many of my feelings of unworthiness and unloveableness. My children and grandchild heal me from that too.
The final struggle I am trying to overcome is the being fat. As I am changing my eating habits and making healthy lifestyle choices, I am losing weight. But I wonder, will I still see a fat person when I look in the mirror? Even if the outside is not as fat, will I still be fat inside?
What an impact words from someone important in our lives can have, if we let them.
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3 comments:
We just had a sermon series called defining moments. We discussed the rich young ruler, etc.
I had many similar defining moments. It's a great place to get where we can throw off the fetters of the lies we were told (on purpose or by accident) and fully accept our lives Christ gave us.
I have some of these moments. For instance, I was told I couldn't sing. Um, yeah, that person was wrong. I'm not great but I can carry a tune. I was told I was fat even when I was within my idea weight range. Heck, I was told I was fat even when I was below my ideal range.
Men examine the outward appearance and God looks at the heart. Remember Christ ridiculing the pharisees for only cleaning the outside of the cup and not the inside.
I'm not there yet, but I'm moving toward the place where all I do or care about is living to please Christ. If He's happy with me living in obedience, it is enough. (And when I screw up, there's grace)
well i was lucky enough to have two parents that always encouraged me to be whoever I wanted and never made me feel unworthy. love you!!
We never know when our words will be the catayist of someone's defining moment, especially a child's. I've learned to try to choose my words carefully but in general, I see people very careless with their words, inflicting on their own children the same hurt and insecurities they suffer from, because of their own defining moments. It's a sad legacy that families perpetuate. When I was a kid, I vowed to myself I would not do to my kids the "injustices" I perceived that were done to me. My perception as a kid was immature, of course, and through maturity some of the injustices faded from my memory because they were not as big as I originally perceived but I've tried very hard as an adult to fulfill my vow, realizing that the spoken word is a very powerful thing.
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